n Christian marriage, we generally view the husband as the provider. And while this is true, wives provide in a marriage too, just in a different way. Husbands are responsible for setting the spiritual direction and the tone for the home, but wives have a vital role to play as well.
Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
It is not good for him to be alone. Wives, we are called to be our husband’s helpmate…but what does this actually look like?
- Keeping Jesus at the center of our hearts
- Providing wisdom
- Having a gentle and quiet spirit
- Being intentional and aware of the overall picture
- Being a strong, hard worker
- Encouraging our husband
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
Our husband may be called to spiritually lead our home, but we also have a responsibility to keep Jesus at the center of our hearts and our actions. By keeping our focus on Jesus, we will be able to work with our husband in a way that honors him and honors the Lord.
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” – Proverbs 31:26
A few years ago, I read a blog from a Christian wife who talked about how she felt that submission and respecting her husband meant that she needed to stay quiet in certain areas. The situation she presented was that their car needed an oil change and she had a coupon, but she chose not to tell her husband about the coupon because she felt it might emasculate or devalue him. She felt that her job was to follow his leadership and let him completely take over the task.
After reading her story, my heart ached for her…that she felt that was what was expected of her.
“Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance.” – Proverbs 1:5
As wives, we are to provide wisdom to our homes. Now, this doesn’t mean that we bulldoze and show our husband our ‘right’ way, but it does mean that we offer our perspective and work with our husband.
The beautiful thing about marriage is that a husband and wife will each offer a different understanding and viewpoint. It’s when we can listen and hear each other’s perspectives that we can make wise decisions as a team.
In short, offer your husband the coupon and save the $30. 🙂
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4
There are days that this is much easier than others and this is definitely something that I really struggle with. When I feel passionately about something or when I disagree with Adam, I tend to be more aggressive and focus on why my way is right, rather than responding with grace and humility.
The thing about a gentle spirit is that it’s infectious. When we can respond with love and kindness, rather than react with pride and defensiveness, we can reach others’ hearts…especially our husband’s.
This doesn’t mean that we refrain from saying what needs to be said or shy away from bringing things to light, but it does mean that we take a deep breath, get our heart in the right spot, with a focus on Jesus, before we say anything, and treat our husband with respect as we talk.
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” – Proverbs 31:27
Laziness and passivity are not what we are called to. Watching the affairs of the house means that we need to be aware of what is going on in our home. It’s through having an understanding of the workings of our home that we can truly provide wisdom and move towards having a home that honors the Lord.
“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” – Proverbs 31:16-17
As wives, we are called to be hard workers and do so with strength, tenacity, and integrity. Intentionally seek God’s calling and be obedient to his direction.
It’s the same as with the previous verse–we’re called to pull our weight and not rely solely on our husband’s provision. This could mean working a job, staying home and taking care of kids, or many other different things, but the point remains that our role is to do our part in real, practical ways.
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
As wives, our words and actions have the ability to uplift and encourage our husbands, or to drag them into the ground. When our husband feels like he’s winning at home, then we are creating a safe, secure place for him to come home and recharge. We need to champion our husband and be his greatest cheerleader. Our encouragement will help quiet the nagging whispers of fear or insecurity that he hears, giving him the confidence to be all who God has created him to be. This will not only breathe life into him, but into our marriages as well.
It’s important to note, however, that we should only be encouraging him where he’s doing well, even in small ways. If he’s leading poorly, it’s our responsibility to share what we see and encourage him to grow in those areas.
Wives, remember that we play a really important role in our homes and don’t take that lightly. Cling to Jesus and model your hearts after His love. Our actions will significantly influence whether our home is a place of tension or a place of peace.
Where are you doing well as a wife and where might you need to grow? Tell us in the comments below–We’d love to hear from you! 🙂