7 Game-Changer Questions to Fight Disconnection in Your Marriage

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Have you ever gotten to a place in your marriage where you felt completely disconnected from your spouse…and didn’t have a clue how you got there?

In these times, it can be so easy to ignore the problem and become apathetic. In the moment, ignoring things seems like the better, easier option. However, this will only cause more distance between you and your spouse and more disconnection.

The idea that we need to be pursuing our spouse and our marriage is not a new idea. As Ryan Frederick says, “Couples begin growing apart the moment they stop growing together.”

But how do we pursue in the midst of life? How can we be intentional with our spouse? How do we push through the uncomfortable?

It starts with a conversation.

Each week we need to be having check-ins with each other to make sure we are on the same page. These questions will help you to stay connected, get on the same page, and move towards changes as a couple.

Here are seven to help you get started:

  1. How did we work well as a team this week?
  2. Start the conversation with where things have gone well. It’s always good to start with the positive.

  3. Were there any areas we could have been a better team?
  4. This is not about blame, this is about positioning yourselves as a team against the problem. Once you talk about it, you can make the changes so that the next week can go smoother :)

  5. Are there any hurts this week that we haven’t talked about?
  6. Bring these hurts to light. All of us will hurt our spouses at some point. It’s important that we address them, ask forgiveness, and move on.
    If you’ve been hurt by your spouse, start with “I felt _____ when you ____”

  7. How did we do on our budget this week?
  8. This question may not need to be every week, but the question is still important. Finances can be such a difficult topic, but it needs to be talked about.

  9. How was sex this week?
  10. Just like with the budget question, this may not need to be an every week question, but it should be asked. Our goal should be meeting our spouse’s sexual needs, but we can’t know about their needs or expect them to know ours if we don’t openly talk about it.

  11. What has God been teaching you this week?
  12. We need to keep centering ourselves on the Lord. Part of us understanding our spouse is understanding where God is working in their hearts. Take this time to sincerely listen. Be sure not to judge their progress or share what you think they should be learning.

  13. How has your spouse made you feel loved and respected this week?
  14. End on a positive note and praise your spouse for something they did well this week. Sharing praise makes us feel cared for, loved, and acts as the glue in a marriage. It brings a sense of thankfulness to the core of our interactions.

Some weeks will be lighter and easier, while other weeks will be tougher and need more attention. Allow yourselves the time to connect with one another and get on the same page.

These conversations can be awkward or feel overwhelming, but they are vital to keeping the communication flowing in a marriage.

How have these questions challenged your thinking this week? Are there any you might add?

Want to dig deeper?

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adam & Jess

Hi, we’re Adam & Jess--we’re so glad you’re here!

Our marriage got off to a rocky start in 2014 and quickly escalated into a full-out crisis. God healed us, and now we're inviting you to walk with us as we all journey toward healthier marriages together!

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