7 Steps to Achieve Best-Friend Status with your Spouse

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ne of the most profound things I have ever heard was the idea that after 30, 50, or 70 years together, we hopefully will not only still love our spouse, but still like them too.

This idea really caught me off guard the first time I heard it. Wouldn’t the goal be to love our spouse? Isn’t liking them natural and love more difficult? While the Bible calls us to love our spouse, we are not called to like them. “Liking” our spouse is a feeling, whereas “loving” them is a choice. And “liking” is the product of unconditional, unyielding, sacrificial love.

“Best friend.” What does this phrase mean to you?

Our spouse is supposed to be our best friend and confidant.

But what does that actually look like in a marriage?

  1. Two spouses that trust each other completely
  2. True friendship is built on trust. Trust lays the groundwork for intimacy.

    How to start: Work on being a trustworthy partner that is 100% above board.

  3. Two spouses who have goals and work to pursue them together
  4. Teamwork is established when we have a common goal. Then we can encourage and challenge one another on the journey.

    How to start: Set and talk about your goals with one another.

  5. Two spouses who can admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness
  6. Friendship cares about the other person and recognizes when we have done something that hurt the other person. This requires humility.

    How to start: Strive to be the first person to apologize and ask forgiveness.

  7. Two spouses who offer an abundance of grace
  8. When someone makes a mistake, the other is there to offer forgiveness. Grace requires gentleness, empathy, and love.

    How to start: Have grace for your spouse when they make a mistake. We all make them.

  9. Two spouses who have seen the worst of each other and love each other anyway
  10. Unconditional love provides emotional safety.

    How to start: Love is a choice. No matter how your spouse is acting, your job is to love them.

  11. Two spouses who can talk about anything and everything
  12. We should be an open book with our spouses. No secrets. We should be able to share and want to share the deepest parts of who we are.

    How to start: Share your heart openly and honestly with your spouse. Take time each week to talk with them about what you are excited about or what you are struggling with.

  13. Two spouses who laugh, flirt, and play together
  14. Laughter and play is so important. When two spouses can play together, struggles are put into perspective, with the understanding that our relationship is the top priority.

    How to start: Take time to play with your spouse. Plan fun date nights and flirt with one another. Marriage shouldn’t be serious all the time. It needs play. This will breathe new life into your marriage.

The beauty of a healthy marriage is that it produces the most amazing friendship… one that is authentic, one that challenges us, and one that encourages us.

Want a true, deep, intimate friendship with your spouse? Want a marriage where you can really call your spouse your best friend? If so, check out Radiant Marriage Academy, a 16-lesson experience designed to help you set your marriage on a solid biblical foundation.

Which of these ring true for your marriage or which ones might need some attention? There is no shame in needing to grow. No matter where your marriage is, there is always room to improve and grow closer to your spouse. Share your thoughts in the comments–we’d love to hear from you!

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adam & Jess

Hi, we’re Adam & Jess--we’re so glad you’re here!

Our marriage got off to a rocky start in 2014 and quickly escalated into a full-out crisis. God healed us, and now we're inviting you to walk with us as we all journey toward healthier marriages together!

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