A Wife’s Greatest Protector

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hat does it mean for a husband to be responsible for his wife? Does it mean that it’s his sole responsibility to protect her at every moment of every day from the moment of his wedding vows forward? Does it mean that he needs to go everywhere with her to make sure she’s safe? Or is it something different entirely?

I’m a recovering worrier. I’ve always had a tendency to worry about things. If I walk into a situation, I want to have a plan. I prepare for the worst and hope for the best. If I absolutely have to be walking in a sketchy area at night, I can tell you where every person is and point out the nearest handful of escape routes. I’m fully aware and alert. Naturally, that’s something I brought with me into marriage.

Jess, on the other hand, is much more trusting and carefree. She’s decently aware but may miss some things that are less obvious.

One time we were walking toward our car in a bad area of downtown at night. The car was a hundred feet or so ahead and on the opposite side of the street. It was parked next to an unlit vacant lot. There were a few people who had just walked up to it, tried the door to see if it was unlocked, then stopped to look around and see if anyone was watching. They looked to be up to no good. I quietly told Jess to keep walking. Once we had passed, I subtly pushed the lock button on the key to re-lock the car. They started looking around. I waited a few seconds, then did it again. That was enough. They acted like something else caught their interest and swaggered off.

Once we were in the car and driving a minute later, I explained to Jess what had just happened. She was surprised and a bit concerned that she hadn’t noticed, but glad everything was okay. I too, was a bit concerned that she would likely have walked right up to her car.

Why do I tell that story? Because in that moment I was able to be her protector. I saw something that she didn’t and I was able to navigate us through.

My mind goes back to that night from time to time, usually when Jess is out to dinner with a friend at night. I used to worry a lot about her safety, feeling it was all on me to protect her, but I’ve had a few realizations that have helped to ease that stress.

God is in control and cares about every detail

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” (Psalm 37:23)

Not only does He care, but he delights in every detail of our lives. I can only imagine He is as excited about our triumphs as a father watching their child take their first steps.

God loves us with an unfailing love

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

No matter what we do. Whether or not we think we measure up.

God’s love is never-ending

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” (1 Chronicles 16:34)

Not only does God care more than we are capable of caring on our most passionate days, but he cares that much yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever.

God is safe, strong, and always there

“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

A strong refuge, always ready to help in trouble–what more could we need?

No matter where we are, God is with us

“I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” (Psalm 139:7-12)

We’re never alone, no matter what. The same is true for our spouses. The God of the universe is ALWAYS there.

Husbands, look at the situation of your wife’s safety through the lens of God’s love. You can’t hold a candle to His love for your wife. On your fiercest day, you can’t begin to protect her the way God can. As our friends at Fierce Marriage say, “She’s God’s daughter first and your wife second.” When we can remember that, it makes it far easier to trust that God is ALWAYS there. He is her greatest protector, not you. (Psalm 139:7-12, Psalm 91:10-16)

“She’s God’s daughter first and your wife second.”
– Ryan Frederick

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The first time I had that realization, it was the biggest relief. All the pressure wasn’t on me anymore. It was a beautiful gift from God. I will always be concerned for my wife’s safety; it’s part of how God wired me, but I can care about her safety while having confidence in His love for her.

I still struggle to trust, because I’m acutely aware of all the danger in the world, but when I do struggle, I turn my thoughts to God’s promises, and He brings peace. I’m happy to be second-string.

Are there any areas where you struggle to trust God? Which of these promises stands out to you? Let us know in the comments below…

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adam & Jess

Hi, we’re Adam & Jess--we’re so glad you’re here!

Our marriage got off to a rocky start in 2014 and quickly escalated into a full-out crisis. God healed us, and now we're inviting you to walk with us as we all journey toward healthier marriages together!

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