Abandoned, alone, and afraid.
These three words have been the theme of my feelings over the last month or so. We’re in this weird stage of life where so much about our current situation feels unsettled and nothing is secure. Our finances, not having a home base, our jobs…there’s very little stability (not our marriage, just life in general). For someone who craves stability and control, this has been an interesting season for me.
In the midst of all of that though, I’ve spent this last month trying to look like I have it all together. Not so much to others, but to myself and to God.
This past month I’ve buried myself with tasks, my to-do list, school, and whatever else I could get my hands on because I didn’t want to deal with what I was feeling. I shied away from my time with the Lord because I didn’t want to have to be honest with Him or myself. I think, to some extent, I felt that if I just kept burying my emotions and just worked on my to-do list, these awful feelings would all disappear.
But that’s not what happened. The tension in my heart just kept building and growing. Bitterness was setting in and my fear was no longer able to be pushed down.
After days and a couple of weeks of trying to play it cool and diminish my feelings, I finally broke. I wasn’t able to hold it in any longer. My heart began beating really fast, I was having trouble breathing, and panic overtook my thoughts. In the span of about 1-2 minutes, it was as if I lost all of my calculated and manipulated control.
Tears began streaming down my face and the questions started flooding in– Are you there God? Why are you being silent? Do you care? Have you forgotten me?
At that moment, I knew I needed to get real with God and I knew I needed to get real with myself.
I quickly grabbed a piece of paper out of my notebook and began writing my thoughts, feelings, and prayers. I probably wrote and prayed for about an hour. In that time, I was able to release the stress and fear that had been controlling me.
Now, that doesn’t mean my struggles and fears were automatically fixed, but it does mean that I was able to remember WHO is in control. In that time, God picked up my load and began to carry it with me.
Have you ever been in a place where you haven’t wanted to work through your feelings or where fear has overtaken your ability to function?
- Don’t hide from your feelings.
- Bring your load to the cross.
- Get honest with God.
- You are not forgotten and He is with you.
- Guard your heart.
- Trust in Him.
This can be so difficult, because in the moment at least, it feels way easier to bury our feelings rather than to sit in them. The thing is though, the longer we bury, the more distance we’ll feel from the Lord. Ignoring will only give our feelings time to fester and grow into sin.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” – Isaiah 40:29
If we carry the load ourselves and refuse to ask Him for help, then we are depending on ourselves and our abilities, rather than on the One who can actually help us to get through. It is His strength that will guide us and help us to overcome, not our own strength. The beautiful thing is that we don’t have to be alone. God is with us always.
God wants your heart, not a calculated response of ‘correct’ language. He wants authenticity. Just look at the Psalms. King David is extremely raw and honest with God.
God can handle anything you bring to Him. This means that you can bring your anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, joy, regret, guilt, fear, or whatever else you may be feeling. All He wants is a heart of complete surrender.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8
In these times of fear, it is so easy to feel forgotten and lost, but God tells us this isn’t true. He is FOR you, WITH you, and cares about you deeply.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”- Proverbs 4:23
The enemy wants you to feel frightened, alone, and abandoned. If he can make you believe that God isn’t dependable and that you have been forgotten, then you are an easy target. Quiet those subtle whispers of insecurity by clinging to God’s truth.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” – Jeremiah 17:7-8
When we don’t understand or when it feels like things don’t make sense, we still need to trust that He knows best. He is sovereign and He is in control of everything. This means that we don’t have to let our fear debilitate us. We can move forward in confidence knowing that we have God with us through everything.
Know that in the midst of fear and the unknown that God loves you desperately and cares about you and your hurts.
Where is your heart today? Have you been honest with God about what you’re feeling?
