B eing passionate about all things in the marriage arena, I've read many books on how to improve your marriage--they have loads of different techniques, tips, and tricks, and so many of them are fantastic and really helpful. But what's at the core of it all? What does it all boil down to? Brass tacks. The net net. The TL;DR. What would it be? If I could only ever give one piece of marriage and/or life advice to everyone and anyone in any and every situation for the rest of my life, it would … [Read more...]
Why “Doing Nothing” Can Actually Help Your Marriage
A few weeks ago, we were exhausted. We had been working a ton, Jess was right in the middle of her school quarter, and life just felt really overwhelming. When I asked Jess what she wanted to do on our day off, we eventually came to the idea of a picnic in a local park. So Jess packed a lunch and we grabbed a blanket and headed off to the park. We sat down and had the first bit of our lunch. Once we had finished, we had the weirdest feeling. The “lunch” checkbox had been checked off in our … [Read more...]
5 Marriage Lessons from an Escape Room (!)
A bout a year ago Jess and I went through our first escape room together with a group of friends and family. For those of you that don’t know what an escape room is, it’s a themed room with a sequence of mental puzzles and disguised or hidden solutions. The idea is that you’re trapped in a room and you have to figure out how to escape. One solution often leads to another puzzle. Sometimes there are hidden keys, ciphered combinations, and other tricky things to be solved. Some items are hidden … [Read more...]
How Being “Selfish” Can Help Your Marriage
T here we were, sitting in our bedroom and Jess was sharing with me how she felt that I was distant and a bit on edge with her. She recognized that I was stressed and overwhelmed, and asked me how I was taking care of myself. It was at that moment that I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually thought about what I needed. She looked at me and said, “Remember to take some time for yourself and allow yourself to recharge”. Okay, let’s be honest, many people think that … [Read more...]
The Real Definition of a Provider
A man naturally feels a strong desire to provide for his family. This is a God-given desire. However, as a culture, we have defined “provision” as purely financial. While it’s good to provide financially, God calls husbands to a much higher standard. The call for a husband to provide goes far beyond financial security to his full investment and involvement. But what does that look like? In short, a Husband should provide: A safe, loving place for his family A safe place can mean … [Read more...]
Pillow Talk: God’s Design for Sex
I’ve often heard husbands using bible verses to guilt their wives into sex, saying that their wife isn’t following what the bible says if they don’t submit to them sexually. I’ve also heard of wives using sex (or the lack of) to punish or reward their husbands for being their definition of a good husband. When sex becomes selfish or manipulative, the results are disastrous, turning sex into something trivial and meaningless. But this isn’t God’s design. Sex is incredibly intimate and beautifully … [Read more...]
Choosing Thankfulness over Frustration
If you’ve read my previous blog, you know I tend to analyze things to death, often focusing solely on the flaws. After writing that blog, I saw another important lesson that I missed the first time. Not only do I often see the worst in myself, but I tend to see the worst in my wife far more often than I would like to admit. The same is true in many marriages--the little things grate on you after a while, then you have a choice to make--will you focus on the negative or the positive? I have … [Read more...]
Left-Brained and Still Loved
I’m pretty much the poster-child for the extreme left-brained. I look at the world in such an analytical way. I love to figure out how things work, so I try out theories in my brain to find the point of failure in any given thing. Chalk it up to my days studying engineering. The focus was always on figuring out what would fail first--that critical weakness that, though initially small, would ultimately, given the right circumstances, cause a chain reaction that would bring down the whole … [Read more...]
Trading Our Ability for God’s Security
Stability. Certainty. Familiarity. It’s something we all crave. In the famous words of Dorothy, “There’s no place like home.” These words ring especially true for me. I’m an introvert, so I like having a predictable, quiet space to relax and get my thoughts in order. It’s what fuels me to have my best ideas and work my hardest. Last summer, however, my sense of calm was jilted and we had to begin the journey of moving. Our landlord told us he was selling our house and, after much prayer and … [Read more...]
8 Simple Steps to a Lifelong Marriage
As I was growing up, I was a pretty quiet kid. I didn’t say much, but I was always watching. In our church group, I paid special attention to one family. The husband had a sharp mind for business and was always trying something new. He and his wife led a bible study in their home every week for decades--theirs was the longest running group I was aware of. In addition, he ran a men’s group, and she ran a women’s group. They always seemed to be so in love, and have a great dynamic with their many … [Read more...]
