If you’ve read my previous blog, you know I tend to analyze things to death, often focusing solely on the flaws. After writing that blog, I saw another important lesson that I missed the first time. Not only do I often see the worst in myself, but I tend to see the worst in my wife far more often than I would like to admit. The same is true in many marriages--the little things grate on you after a while, then you have a choice to make--will you focus on the negative or the positive? I have … [Read more...]
Confessions of an Insecure Person
I have a confession: I struggle with insecurity. I’m afraid of rejection and it manifests itself in a deep-rooted anxiousness. I have a drive to perform that is out of a doubt that I am valuable. I constantly feel the need to prove myself worthy. I struggle to see my value apart from my work or my ability to “do”. My perfectionism dances with--and is led by--my insecurity, out of fear that someone--anyone--will think less of me. I play the comparison game and measure myself against a perfect … [Read more...]
Left-Brained and Still Loved
I’m pretty much the poster-child for the extreme left-brained. I look at the world in such an analytical way. I love to figure out how things work, so I try out theories in my brain to find the point of failure in any given thing. Chalk it up to my days studying engineering. The focus was always on figuring out what would fail first--that critical weakness that, though initially small, would ultimately, given the right circumstances, cause a chain reaction that would bring down the whole … [Read more...]
Getting out of a Funk in Your Marriage
Have you ever had one of those weeks where things just felt off with you and your spouse? We have. There was about a three week period where we were just missing each other and taking out our stress on one another. I was hormonal and moody and Adam was anxious and stressed. Let me just tell you, that's a terrible combination and a recipe for disaster. There were many arguments that seemed like they were pointless. We’d resolve one conflict and then head right into another one. The times where we … [Read more...]
Trading Our Ability for God’s Security
Stability. Certainty. Familiarity. It’s something we all crave. In the famous words of Dorothy, “There’s no place like home.” These words ring especially true for me. I’m an introvert, so I like having a predictable, quiet space to relax and get my thoughts in order. It’s what fuels me to have my best ideas and work my hardest. Last summer, however, my sense of calm was jilted and we had to begin the journey of moving. Our landlord told us he was selling our house and, after much prayer and … [Read more...]
5 Prayers of Protection for Your Marriage
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” It’s when a husband and wife are both seeking the Lord and submitting themselves to Him, that they can make a great impact for the Kingdom of God. A marriage built on the strong foundation of Christ is a threat to the enemy. While you’re dangerous as a united team, separately, you pose much less of a threat. This is why the enemy will do everything he can to cause … [Read more...]
8 Simple Steps to a Lifelong Marriage
As I was growing up, I was a pretty quiet kid. I didn’t say much, but I was always watching. In our church group, I paid special attention to one family. The husband had a sharp mind for business and was always trying something new. He and his wife led a bible study in their home every week for decades--theirs was the longest running group I was aware of. In addition, he ran a men’s group, and she ran a women’s group. They always seemed to be so in love, and have a great dynamic with their many … [Read more...]
Dear Hurting Wife…
Dear hurting wife, I remember when I was walking through so much hurt in the midst of my marriage, I felt as though my dreams of a happy marriage were meaningless. The words “happily ever after” brought resentment and misery, rather than joy. I mourned not having the best friend that marriage was supposed to bring. The loss of my dreams for our marriage brought a brutal combination of pain and numbness. I remember feeling embarrassed. I was ashamed of the spot that I was in. What did it … [Read more...]
A Marriage Journey
One night a young husband dreamed that he and his wife were walking along a long dirt road. It was the path of their lives as they headed toward heaven. The road wound through a valley surrounded by hills. It was beautiful, quiet, and they rarely saw anyone else for long. It was a great place to talk and find peace. They walk together, side by side, staying on the same road, experiencing the journey at the same time, as one. They’re following a set of footprints made long ago. They know these … [Read more...]
To Submit or Not to Submit?
Submission is probably one of the most controversial words in the English language. At least in marriage conversations. This word has caused division between married couples-- husbands abusing the word and, using it as an excuse to react with control, pride, and aggression, while women either reject the word, trying to force respect or misunderstand the word, embracing the fallacy that they aren’t worthy of respect. As a culture, we’ve taken a beautiful concept and tainted it with our … [Read more...]