W hen we first get married, everything seems perfect. It seems as if the love that we share will sustain us. It seems as if we will be able to work through any argument with ease, that the butterflies will never fade, and our spouse will never be able to let us down. If you’ve been married any length of time, you know that this just isn’t the case. Marriage is wonderful and beautiful, but that beauty takes work. To have an intimate marriage that reflects the love of Jesus, we have to deal … [Read more...]
7 Steps to Achieve Best-Friend Status with your Spouse
O ne of the most profound things I have ever heard was the idea that after 30, 50, or 70 years together, we hopefully will not only still love our spouse, but still like them too. This idea really caught me off guard the first time I heard it. Wouldn’t the goal be to love our spouse? Isn’t liking them natural and love more difficult? While the Bible calls us to love our spouse, we are not called to like them. “Liking” our spouse is a feeling, whereas “loving” them is a choice. And “liking” is … [Read more...]
The Real Definition of a Provider
A man naturally feels a strong desire to provide for his family. This is a God-given desire. However, as a culture, we have defined “provision” as purely financial. While it’s good to provide financially, God calls husbands to a much higher standard. The call for a husband to provide goes far beyond financial security to his full investment and involvement. But what does that look like? In short, a Husband should provide: A safe, loving place for his family A safe place can mean … [Read more...]
Confronting Our Sin and Wrestling with Responsibility
There we were in the middle of one of the biggest fights we had had in a long time. Tensions were rising. Hurtful words were said. And I was desperately clutching to my pride. I feel things incredibly deeply... I think more deeply than most people. So when I begin to go down this road, resentment and bitterness set in quickly. And the longer I stay in this space, the longer it takes to step away from my judgemental, self-entitled attitude. In the middle of these times, I feel so justified … [Read more...]
Pillow Talk: God’s Design for Sex
I’ve often heard husbands using bible verses to guilt their wives into sex, saying that their wife isn’t following what the bible says if they don’t submit to them sexually. I’ve also heard of wives using sex (or the lack of) to punish or reward their husbands for being their definition of a good husband. When sex becomes selfish or manipulative, the results are disastrous, turning sex into something trivial and meaningless. But this isn’t God’s design. Sex is incredibly intimate and beautifully … [Read more...]
Embracing a “Mary” Heart in a “Martha” World
I had just sat down with my latte and cracked open a new devotional. I was so excited to start digging in. This devotional was a few hundred pages and would probably take me a while to get through. I was ready to be challenged and learn something new. As I started to read the words, however, I felt discontent. Usually, I feel inspired the more I work through a devotional, but this time all I felt was a lack of peace. Now I've never heard God audibly speak to me, but I could feel His spirit … [Read more...]
Choosing Thankfulness over Frustration
If you’ve read my previous blog, you know I tend to analyze things to death, often focusing solely on the flaws. After writing that blog, I saw another important lesson that I missed the first time. Not only do I often see the worst in myself, but I tend to see the worst in my wife far more often than I would like to admit. The same is true in many marriages--the little things grate on you after a while, then you have a choice to make--will you focus on the negative or the positive? I have … [Read more...]
Confessions of an Insecure Person
I have a confession: I struggle with insecurity. I’m afraid of rejection and it manifests itself in a deep-rooted anxiousness. I have a drive to perform that is out of a doubt that I am valuable. I constantly feel the need to prove myself worthy. I struggle to see my value apart from my work or my ability to “do”. My perfectionism dances with--and is led by--my insecurity, out of fear that someone--anyone--will think less of me. I play the comparison game and measure myself against a perfect … [Read more...]
Left-Brained and Still Loved
I’m pretty much the poster-child for the extreme left-brained. I look at the world in such an analytical way. I love to figure out how things work, so I try out theories in my brain to find the point of failure in any given thing. Chalk it up to my days studying engineering. The focus was always on figuring out what would fail first--that critical weakness that, though initially small, would ultimately, given the right circumstances, cause a chain reaction that would bring down the whole … [Read more...]
Getting out of a Funk in Your Marriage
Have you ever had one of those weeks where things just felt off with you and your spouse? We have. There was about a three week period where we were just missing each other and taking out our stress on one another. I was hormonal and moody and Adam was anxious and stressed. Let me just tell you, that's a terrible combination and a recipe for disaster. There were many arguments that seemed like they were pointless. We’d resolve one conflict and then head right into another one. The times where we … [Read more...]
