Choosing Thankfulness over Frustration

by |

I

f you’ve read my previous blog, you know I tend to analyze things to death, often focusing solely on the flaws. After writing that blog, I saw another important lesson that I missed the first time. Not only do I often see the worst in myself, but I tend to see the worst in my wife far more often than I would like to admit.

The same is true in many marriages–the little things grate on you after a while, then you have a choice to make–will you focus on the negative or the positive?

I have an AMAZING wife. She’s on fire for Jesus. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, loving, compassionate, caring, and she sings like an angel. She’s the giver I wish I could be. How God fits so much love in such a small package is something I’ll never understand. But, praise God, He did, and that amazing combination of awesome loves me more than I can understand or ever deserve. She takes care of me so well in so many areas that it blows my mind when I pause to think about it. She’s everything I ever wanted and so much more than anything I could have hoped for.

So why is it that the silly little things bother me so much? With everything I just said, I feel like I have no right to be annoyed, let alone upset. But it happens anyways. Why? Perspective. What we spend the most time thinking about is what ends up being the dominant emotion in our minds. If we focus and dwell on the little flaws, they grow to be so much bigger in our minds than they actually are, and the good things shrink so much smaller than they ever should be.

So what to do?

Simple. Focus on the good whenever and wherever you can. Make an effort to notice the good things.

If she leaves the toothpaste on the counter one night, is it a grievous offense? Hardly. She just cooked an AMAZING dinner, called a friend who was having a bad day to make sure they felt loved, AND folded our laundry. And even if she had done none of those things, she’s still that amazing combination of awesome.

And it’s still just a tube of toothpaste.

But, let’s be honest, we rarely have such candid conversations with ourselves. What comes up is, “Ugh. The toothpaste tube is on the counter. I asked her not to leave it out one time like a year ago. How dare she forget?” Yep. Again, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s all too close to my train of thought. It’s massively selfish and cynical, and she doesn’t deserve any part of it.

So I need to remember that it’s my issue, not hers.

Now, I’m not saying we should never say something to our spouse about something that happens a lot that grates on us, but I am saying that we should keep a healthy perspective and realize that the world will not end because the toothpaste didn’t make it into its medicine-cabinet home one night. Nor does that single offense even cast a shadow on what an amazing woman I’m married to.

What if, instead of focusing on the things that annoy us, we chose to silently put the toothpaste tube away and focus on the things our spouse DOES do that are amazing? What if we focused on their wonderful qualities? It’s this perspective that breeds a mentality of thankfulness–thankfulness for who our spouse is and thankfulness that we get to spend our lives with them.

What about you? Are there little things that grate on you? If you take a step back and look at the big picture, should they? Take some time today to think about it. If you’re like me and can be too critical, take the initiative and apologize to your spouse. Then, one day at a time, try to see the good things for what they are and keep the annoying things in perspective.

Let’s face it. Some days in marriage are difficult and the annoyances can slowly creep in to be of primary importance. However, part of being in a good marriage is having an attitude of thankfulness and focusing on the amazing qualities in our spouse that God has given to us rather than on the small annoyances. To learn more about keeping a mindset of thankfulness, join us in Radiant Marriage Academy today!

How can you take the initiative today to choose thankfulness over annoyance? What single step can you take? Share with us in the comments–we’d love to hear from you!

Want to dig deeper?

Check out Radiant Marriage Academy, our free 16-lesson course!

Tiptoes

(Fully free. No catch.)

adam & Jess

Hi, we’re Adam & Jess--we’re so glad you’re here!

Our marriage got off to a rocky start in 2014 and quickly escalated into a full-out crisis. God healed us, and now we're inviting you to walk with us as we all journey toward healthier marriages together!

7 Days to an Awesome Marriage

Check out our free eBook and connect with your spouse!


7 Days to a More Intimate Marriage

Follow Us

Treasuring the Tiny Moments

The goal for the day was simple...Get food for dinner and prepare a delicious meal for our friends who were coming over (while still social distancing). I had gone to the store and had everything that I needed...except for the fish. I was planning on making fish with...

Choosing Your Spouse Over Your Checklist

We published an image of a quote on our social media not too long ago, and it struck me in just how profound it is. The quote, by D.L. Moody, is this: “If I wanted to find out whether a man was a Christian, I wouldn’t go to his minister. I would go and ask his...

How to Love Your Spouse Through Their Rough Day

There I was in my car in the garage processing through the events of my day. You know those days where everything just seems to go wrong? This was that day. From dropping a smoothie onto the floor in the morning to having a rough interaction with a friend to work...

7 Game-Changer Questions to Fight Disconnection in Your Marriage

Have you ever gotten to a place in your marriage where you felt completely disconnected from your spouse...and didn't have a clue how you got there? In these times, it can be so easy to ignore the problem and become apathetic. In the moment, ignoring things seems like...

10 At-Home Activities to Do as a Couple

Let’s be honest. The past few weeks have been a bit insane. Have you been going a bit stir crazy? Have you craved being with your friends or family? Do you miss hugs? Are you finding yourself losing track of days and time? Us too. In the midst of being under “shelter...

4 Ways to Take Charge of Anxiety

Army. Green. Couch. Can you picture it? Now hold onto that image and I’ll come back to it. If you have read my posts for any length of time, you know that I struggle with anxiety. It wasn’t until recently, however, that I realized how much I can fixate on things…...

Faith in the Midst of Uncertainty

I t was dinner time when we found out that Washington had issued a “shelter in place” mandate. While we live in Idaho, Adam works in Washington. And Washington was the first of the two to issue the mandate. Like many of you who have these state rules right now, we...

7 Ways to Grow Your Marriage During COVID

This last week has been insane. I feel like I woke up on Friday last week and the world had started to end. Grocery stores were being emptied, in-person church services had been canceled, schools were closed, and my graduate program was put on hold...and I couldn’t...

Abandoned, Alone, and Afraid

Abandoned, alone, and afraid. These three words have been the theme of my feelings over the last month or so. We're in this weird stage of life where so much about our current situation feels unsettled and nothing is secure. Our finances, not having a home base, our...

Building Momentum in Your Marriage

Having a great marriage isn’t based on one moment, one action, or one success, but rather a pattern of right actions (and corrected wrong actions) over time. This may seem obvious--doing the right thing is commonly best practice--but the effects are less obvious. It’s...

Want to build an awesome marriage?

Get started with Radiant Marriage Academy, a 16-lesson online course to help you build an awesome marriage.

The best part? Thanks to our patrons, it's completely FREE. No credit card. No upsell. No catch. Just great, free marriage tools to help you make your marriage awesome.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest