ave you ever had one of those weeks where things just felt off with you and your spouse? We have. There was about a three week period where we were just missing each other and taking out our stress on one another. I was hormonal and moody and Adam was anxious and stressed. Let me just tell you, that’s a terrible combination and a recipe for disaster. There were many arguments that seemed like they were pointless. We’d resolve one conflict and then head right into another one. The times where we weren’t arguing, we masked our discontent with sarcasm. As we got further into this funk, it seemed we had less patience for each other and were just fed up. Fed up with feeling attacked, fed up with feeling out of sorts, and fed up with the lack of connection. We started putting up our defenses and started keeping each other at arm’s length. Bitterness was starting to dig in and plant its roots.
Have you and your spouse been in this spot? This can be such a frustrating place to be and it can be so easy to want to give up and allow the bitterness to continue festering.
So, how do we pull ourselves out so that it doesn’t negatively impact our marriage?
- Give it a name
- Recognize that it’s both of you and stop justifying yourself
- Talk about it
- Hug it out and remind each other that you love one another
- Allow yourselves a reset
We call ours a “funk”.
If you give it a name, it starts to depersonalize it. It isn’t your fault or your spouse’s fault. It’s the “funk”.
“Well, I did ______ because you _____.”
“You were ________, so I _______.”
Do you find yourself using these phrases?
Stop it! These phrases are just going to cause more tension and keep you from actually fixing the problem. Refocus and remember what’s important: your marriage and your spouse.
This is not a time to be passive. As soon as you can see that you’ve started to fall into a funk, talk with your spouse about it. Honestly share how you have both been impacted by that funk and how it has been impacting your marriage. This isn’t a time for blame, just recognizing that you’ve been missing one another and where.
This might sound silly, but it’s so important. The act of a hug and the words “I love you” can help melt away any bitterness that may have started to burrow itself in.
So, you had an off week (or a few). That’s okay. Every marriage will go through an off patch where it seems like you can’t get on the same page. Choose not to get bitter about it and give yourselves grace. Talk with one another, acknowledge the disconnect, and choose to put it in the past, giving yourselves a reset.
In marriage, there will be times that we’ll misunderstand each other. The important thing is that we recognize these times and don’t become passive about them. It’s in these times that it is so important that we choose to be aware, take on a posture of humility, and fight for our marriage.
Want more on how to stay out of a funk? Check out our 12-month course, coming soon!
Have you and your spouse experienced a funk? How do you usually handle it? What changes could you make to handle it better? Leave us a comment below and let us know–we’d love to hear from you!